Sunday, October 21, 2012


The wedding, on our (my) terms

If it is to be believed that all humans are created equal
Then the wedding should be planned by the participants: both people

I want a wedding in a Tree house, a wedding in a sand castle
A wedding on a butterfly farm with 17 guests to avoid the hassle

I attended a wedding once, it was at City Hall
it was overcrowded like a construction site with not enough portable bathroom stalls

The surrounding neighbors were frustrated - they cried: "Why do you irk us?"
Why would you turn your Holy Matrimony into a great big circus?

I know why, it's because you wanna be seen
Your wedding became your manifestation of your materialistic dream
Your friends and family flipping through your photos in Ovation Magazine

Not I, my ceremony will be on a submarine
That sailed around the world sharing recipes for the Navarin
With everything captured on a little camcorder LCD screen

Picture perfect, my wedding is for my memory
For the MC I'll time travel to the 90s and bring back Bill Bellamy
I'm a health nut, so the wedding menu might be ice tea and celery

All in my mind, this is how I planned it
If I had the oxygen capacity I'd get married on a different planet
Maybe Saturn, because she wanted a big ring
But I'll have 50% of the decision of which extraterrestrial band that sings

The Pastor? I like the French, so he could be Sylvain Wiltord
The ring would be delivered by a 3-legged Alligator in a Bart Simpson mask on a skateboard

Yes it all sounds strange, but this is the path I am treading
Because at the end of the day, it is my wedding

The 4am Saturday Commercial Wedding Rant

There's a line in a previous poem on this blog about weddings that goes as follows;

"The surrounding neighbors were frustrated, they said 'Why do you irk us?
Why would you turn your wedding ceremony into one big circus?'"

Last night, someone uploaded this picture on Blackberry Messenger and, while understanding fully well that folks have the right to show off this kinda stuff, I wrote the following and sent it out as a broadcast message to all my contacts. Kinda surprised it made any sense. 

"Staged, contrived, vomit inducing "moments" like these milk other disillusioned sheep of their savings and turn an intimate ceremony into a circus. 

Who is the ringmaster of this circus? Consumerism and it's long tentacles of materialism that link self esteem to public acts of ceremonial branding. A pathetic promotion of "me too-ism" that sweeps through the consciousness of brainwashed couples (and singles) flipping through glossy capitalist pages of profit driven media outlets that display the in-your-face grandeur of the upper class and their disgusting opulence as the be-all and end-all of life.

Wide eyed, deceived marionettes and mannequins cannot see consumerism's strings. If they could, they'd follow in the footsteps of multimillionaires like the founder of the world's most popular online social network whose ceremony was conducted in the privacy of his backyard under the guidance of humility and the acknowledgment of the intimacy this moment requires.

Blessed are the non-conformists, for they shall inherit the leftovers of the gluttonous acts of societal peer pressure and groupthink, and raise the next generation of socialists that put communal interests first, and abolish abused scripture stamped approval of ceremonial showmanship.

A humble humanity counts on this."

Wednesday, October 3, 2012


Marvin's (weight) Room

♫ The woman that I would try, is happy with a fat guy
But I’ve been lifting so much, that I’mma call her anyway and say 

♫ F*ck that hippoooo that you love so baaaad,
I know you still think about my lack of flaaaab 

♫ I say f*ck that rhino that you think you fooound
Your head on my shoulder, muscular and round 

♫ Ohhh ohh ohhhh 
‘’Are you pumped right now?’’

♫ I’m just saying you could do better
Holding hands, we’ll jog together 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012


The convenience of fortune telling dreams

A friend posted the following status message on facebook:
''Had a dream someone I know robbed my sister & I masked...not knowing it would be us but continued....I couldnt get to gun #foreshadowing?''
The first response said: 
''Good that you could get gun....just pray..sometimes dreams are meant to make you more cautious..pay attention to detail.....tell all to slow down and be more aware. pray first rebuke and bind that dream''

 My friend replied:

 ''Couldnt...and yeah that was my first step...i have dreams that tell the future...this isnt one of them...i know what those feel like now....but something still remains weird about this one...is like who it was is not important but instead the type of person...a flashy person always in the mix...that some would assume had it all that i know is a loyal person but only to thosd he cares about...out robbing and ashamed to support the lifestyle...tomorrow is not promised...cherish the day fbers...sveryone you think cares even though ashamed...they have goals...it could be at your expense''

I'm fascinated at how the first commenter (mistakenly) thought it was ''good'' my friend could get his gun and in the same breath also urged him to ''pray first rebuke and bind that dream.'' Seems to me the presence of the former would not require the latter as a means of security. Anyway, I could have sworn cooperating while being robbed more often than not ensures the avoidance of risk of loss of life and injury, rather than react violently and risk a potentially fatal outcome. Especially in this case where a family member is involved. But he didn't elaborate on the details of the dream that prompted him to reach for a gun that wasn't there so I'm just speculating on what I read.

I do wonder, however, how this dream (and conversation between the two) would have played out if they lived in say, the United Kingdom where strict laws against gun ownership exist as opposed to Texas, where my friend resides and I assume is where he was located when he had the dream. Perhaps he would have been equipped with a knife or, unarmed and forced to cooperate? It's quite interesting how one's surroundings affect their thought process and subconscious.

Now the interpretation of the note of caution makes sense. But this is what stood out for me in the reply from my friend;

''i have dreams that tell the future''

As seen in the full quote at the beginning of this post, he did state that this particular dream wasn't one of them, but I was still struck (as always, despite hearing them repeatedly from other people that share in his faith-based belief system) by this revelation. However, from what I've observed, these Nostradamus predictions almost always deal with the immediate surroundings (made up mostly of personalized experiences) of the dreamer (usually involving family and friends but sometimes complete strangers) and hardly ever stuff that strays out of that surrounding (unless of course you're a public religious figure, in which case, the predictions are more grandiose). For example; I don't know of anyone that had a dream which predicted Fermat's last theorem would be solved by British mathematician Sir Andrew Wiles, or that the Higgs Boson particle would be discovered 48 years after Professor Peter Higgs publicized his theory in 1964.

The only two people that could reasonably have had such ''dreams'' that predicted their respective futures are the individuals mentioned; i.e Wiles and Higgs, and possibly their family, close friends, and colleagues privy to their day-to-day work. It is for this reason that I take with a pinch of salt ''prediction'' dreams which sometimes originate from a supernataural source (based on the beliefs of the dreamer). My friend is a christian, and as seen from the first response to his status message, it didn't take long for communication with god through ''prayer'' (a popular post-dream action when contents of the dream depict threats) to be suggested. My friend's affirmative response (''yeah that was my first step'') suggests ''prayer'' would somehow lead to an intervention from above that would prevent the events of the dream unfolding in reality at a future time.

This makes me think of the biblical story of Joseph in Genesis chapter 37 who also saw ''future events.'' I find it extremely convenient how the dreams of many Christians I've encountered who ''predict future events'' happen to fall in line with Joseph's and rarely deviate. 

If there was no story of Joseph and his dreams (including other biblical stories of ''visions'' revealed during slumber), would these folks (that subscribe to the belief system that weaved these tales) categorically state they could see the future in their dreams? I doubt it.

Monday, October 1, 2012


Birthday Analogies Atop Ferris Wheels

I said to her; "On this day, I would abandon all dieting rules and regulations and take you out for ice cream. I would deliberately get my favorite flavor, Butter Pecan, on the tip of your nose just so I could kiss it off. Then, I would take you to the neighborhood amusement park. A significant choice since all my declarations of affection for you did nothing more than make you laugh. We would ride the Ferris Wheel and, at the apex of the ride, I would tell you to look down at the beautiful  landscape below us, and that its aesthetically alluring composition that came together in the most impressive manner of man and nature's collaborative symphony, was a personification of your facial features. Features that I stared at for a disturbing length of time."

She smirked in between bites of cotton candy and replied; "You are such a shallow individual. Would your on-again-off-again fixation on someone you've never met ever come to fruition if I wasn't this attractive?"

"Maybe not," I replied, "but I have no one to blame for that but you." The Ferris Wheel ride came to an end. We returned to earth from the clouds, unfastened our seat belts, and headed for the park's exit. 

We shared a hug. "I wish you the happiest of birthdays," I said. "Thank you. Now I have to catch a flight to be with my boyfriend who is waiting for me. Maybe one day we'll meet in an actual tangible reality where you can see the sides of my eyes wrinkle in an appreciative smile for your efforts" she replied.

With that, she hopped into the city's reliable public transportation system, and disappeared over the late afternoon horizon. It was then I woke up, headed to my computer, and wrote every word that preceded exactly where I stop now.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


Where o where did my summer go?

"How quickly we forget." responded the summer. "You left me by the shrubs, near the pier where the Ann Arbor children play, when, in a fit of anger, you stormed off when the genetically engineered post-nightclub waffle taste testing butterflies you created didn't have the reflectors on their wings that displayed your image for all who they flew by to see."

"What do you mean by 'we'?" replied Titilayo. "You are not one of my kind. I am a human, you are nothing more than a seasonal affair."

Summer shook its head, dejected. "And that, young lady, is another reason I have left unannounced. Your

 unwillingness to proffer egalitarianism between man and season will forever keep our relationship temporary. I bid you farewell, until 2013."

And with that, summer was gone, leaving behind tearful shrubs as they sadly waved goodbye, then flipped through Gap™ catalogs in preparation for another temporary meeting; this time, with the Fall.

Sunday, August 19, 2012



Can Eid Mubarak get a BBM Broadcast shoutout?

"Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue, it makes it a requirement for survival" - Rene Dubos ("Celebrations of Life," 1981)

If you spend every sunday (and other days) shoving public proclamations of your religious faith down the throats of others but are noticeably silent on a sunday when another religion is being celebrated, you become part of the problem of religious intolerance in a nation where deep divisions along religious lines already exist, albeit unnecessarily and tragically so.

So show a little consistency, and acknowledge Eid Mubarak

Now of course, you are well within your rights not to, but when you resume your usual one-sided faith declarations tomorrow and beyond, you start to look a lot like email spam.

Happy Eid Mubarak to everyone, religious and non-religious included. Enjoy your holiday.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device on Sunday the nineteenth of August, in the year two thousand and twelve

Friday, June 15, 2012



A Conversation with Freddy

Are you still in the doghouse, Freddy?
Did you get your wife the manni and peddi?
Along with the great big fluffy white Teddy?
From the Lion King gift store designed like the Serengeti?

I was at the hospital a week ago, I spoke with your boy Lenny
Said if it wasn't for the anti-venom after stepping on the Gaboon Viper, the results would have been deadly
Early hospital discharge? Doctor said he wasn't ready.
Until the antibiotics circulated his bloodstream he couldn't leave until his heart rate became steady

Then he met a black nurse named Betty
Voluptuous young thing, and she was extra friendly
He didn't eat hospital food, she got him home cooked spaghetti
He said after exchanging BBM pins and a FB friendship they'd head to his place for a sexual medley

And then they got married! Confetti!




The Future


Mind communication, telekinesis
I'm chewing on a Reese's Pieces while dropping crumbs on my poetic thesis

Entitled .......

"The philosophical thoughts of Plato"
about the futility of religious scripture to bring peace to the world like Nato
a cryogenic think tank in the Texas city of Laredo 
filled with scientists with more tarnished social reputations than Jose Canseco

What are they building .....?

Space pods powered by multivitamins
Hawk eye Cider Inns
Smoke plumes from digital recycle bins
Android Swordfish with fluorescent lighter fins

Space travel, about which I'm obsessed
The love of my life alien species levitates above your conventional thought process

A thought process that gets worse as it gets older
exemplified by the typical Nigerian thinking about their first Range Rover

Like John McEnroe I'm screaming "YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!"
Teleportation of matter, about this are you not curious?
Everything I speak of is manifested in the new movie "Prometheus"

The beginning of life in a pregnant earth, viewed through a technological sonogram
And you won't believe in the future until Tupac performs at Freedom Hall in a 3-D hologram

One wish - the creation of life in a petri dish
In an underground Nova Scotia laboratory by an evolutionary biologist

And the villagers asked how
I pointed to my temple and said: "In here, the future is now" 

Monday, June 4, 2012




What Patience Jonathan "said" about the Dana Air Crash


Barely 24 hours after the fatal Dana Airline crash that claimed the lives of more than 150 people, I received the following message from a contact on my Blackberry Instant Messenger application:

"Patience don com agn ooooooo: Dix woman is disgracn nyja...:

Patience Jonathan speaks on Dana Crash:

"I blame Road Safety for this Dana Air Crash. Civil Defence will investigate the matter in collaboration with my office so that all the victims will be happy!"

The following conversation ensued between myself and the contact that sent it:

Me: I don't think it's appropriate to joke about this barely 24 hrs after the crash.

BBM contact: Not joking. She actually said it.

Me: Can you send a link with the quote?

BBM Contact: Ok. Gimme a moment.

*A few minutes go by*

BBM Contact: My bad.

*More minutes go by*

BBM Contact: Ok. I think I was wrong about this. I was told that she actually said it and it was not a joke. But I have checked and I can't find proof that she did say it.

Me: There you go. I suspected as much

BBM Contact: I'm sorry

The alarming thing is, this is someone I worked with at a global financial institution last year during my Youth Service. I consider this individual to be intelligent and it's quite worrying that they would accept this completely without bothering to check its validity. This is just one person and I can only imagine how many other people have disseminated this false quote.

Perhaps I'm making a bigger deal of this than I should. Ok fine, but a couple questions:

  • Are some people in this country so envious of this woman that exaggerating her supposed grammatical problems and alleged vapidity the only way they can feel better about themselves?

  • Is the level of vitriol towards the First Lady (and to a larger extent, her husband) so high that one or more individuals felt it appropriate enough to tell this insensitive "joke" so soon while many are still grieving?

My deepest condolences go out to the families and friends of the victims of this tragedy. I along with the rest of the country hope that they can find closure in this terrible moment of despair.


Tuesday, May 29, 2012




Cherry Picking On Democracy Day

Democracy Day in Nigeria is held annually on May 29th, to celebrate the country’s return to Democracy on this day in 1999, when former Military ruler (1976-1979) Olusegun Obasanjo was elected as a civilian head of state after 16 years of military rule. Obasanjo’s second stint lasted from 1999 – 2007. He must have really enjoyed it, because he tried to change the constitution to let him rule for a third term (which would have ended last year) but thankfully, his efforts were thwarted. Moving on. 

I just read the transcript of Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan’s “Democracy Day” address to the nation. Click HERE to read it from the Vanguard. In the address, the President went down the to-do list of the Federal Government and stated what measures were being taken, in different sectors of the economy including Agriculture, Education, and Power generation, to improve said sectors and therefore the overall quality of life for Nigerians.

For instance, on fertilizers, the President said the following:

“We have ended the practice of Federal Government procurement and distribution of fertilizers. This we did because only 11% of farmers get the fertilizers that are bought and distributed by government. The old system encouraged rent seekers to collude and deprive farmers of access to fertilizers, while some of the fertilizers ended up with political farmers and in neighbouring countries.

Here is a March 29th article from the Daily Independent titled: “Federal Govt approves N27b for fertilizer, cancels distribution by government” Read it HERE

On education, the President said the following:

“The Federal Government has launched a Special Presidential Scholarship Scheme for our best and brightest brains. We are selecting the best out of our First Class graduates in various disciplines, especially engineering and science. They will be sent for post-graduate studies in the best universities in the world, with the expectation that this will lay the foundation for a desirable scientific and technological revolution that will take Nigeria into Space in the not too distant future.

Blogger Dabesaki Ikemenjima (@dabesaki) analyzed the president’s plan three days ago on the 26th in a blog post. “On President Jonathan’s new PhD Scholarship Scheme.” Read it HERE

But steps taken by the government towards improvements in agriculture, education and other areas articulated by President Jonathan today weren’t what clogged by Twitter timeline when I woke up this morning. The hullabaloo was over this in the President’s speech:

After very careful consideration, and in honour of Chief M.K.O. Abiola’s accomplishments and heroism, on this Democracy Day, the University of Lagos, is renamed by the Federal Government of Nigeria, Moshood Abiola University, Lagos. The Federal Government will also establish an Institute of Democratic Studies and Governance in the University. 

Chief M.K.O. Abiola was a successful and popular Nigerian businessman who ran for president in 1993 in elections widely considered to be free and fair, only to have the results annulled by then military ruler Ibrahim Babangida. June 12, 1993, the date of the presidential election, is now a public holiday observed in some Southern states of Nigeria including Lagos and Abiola’s home state of Ogun.

So, considering how revered Abiola is here in Lagos, with folks like Ovation magazine owner Dele Momodo frequently tweeting about him as if he were a god, it was a quite a surprise to me to learn that some students of the soon-to-be-formerly-named University of Lagos (UNILAG) were protesting the President’s decision, as reported HERE by BusinessDay and other media outlets.

In the blogosphere, I read a sarcasm-laden post (HERE) from a Tolu Orekoya, who’s central theme was focused on a Nigerian “space race.” Reading his post without reading the President’s transcript would lead one to believe that space travel was the crux of GEJ’s speech. Considering we already have a very frustrated polity who believe the government isn’t prioritizing issues important to them, stuff like this would only bolster this misguided sentiment.

Another individual by the name of Kayode Ogundamisi, a former Secretary General of the Oduduwa People’s Congress, posted the following in his blog (HERE)

“I view President Ebele Jonathan’s gesture to rename University of Lagos after Moshood Abiola as an insult to the nationalistic caliber of the 1993 democratically elected president of Nigeria who gave his life for the mandate given to him by the people of Nigeria. It is an attempt to denigrate such a unanimously elected leader to a regional head. This is unacceptable. We look to this government to rename a more representative edifice, in Abuja something nationalistic e.g. the current Abuja National Stadium. Abiola was well known for his contribution to sports in Nigeria and Africa as a whole.”
Considering the importance of education in this country, one would think that naming a University after a man who worked there as a Senior Accountant in its Teaching Hospital would not be an insult to his legacy via denigration. Speaking of insults, exactly what is Mr Ogundamisi trying to insinuate when he says that a University that has been in existence for five decades isn’t high enough on the representative edifice scale to be considered?
But here’s the kicker from Mr Ogundamisi:
“We implore this government to stop majoring on the minor and start focusing on its primary responsibilities
Oh the irony. Furthermore, I looked up the website for the Oduduwa People’s Congress and on its “About” page it says the following which you can read HERE
“OPC is a non-political, non-partisan group
As a former representative of said group, Mr Ogundamisi’s post is anything but.
Moving on, check out this tweet:

RT @DemolaSadiq: Notice how the issues of bombing and power have been avoided on democracy day :) RT @iamTFlava: Its funny how Entertaining the Nigeria Government is. I mean.....this a classic case of hmmm "Let's give them something to talk about"

Let’s refer to the transcript on bombing:

“Terrorism, a new menace, totally alien to our way of life and culture,has reared its head and is posing a serious challenge.  My thoughts and prayers go  to the victims of the terrorist attacks, and their families. we are determined to review some of the existing laws, to further strengthen the national counter-terrorism strategy. Coordinated joint action among our security agencies has now assumed greater importance.” – President Jonathan

Let’s refer to the transcript on power:

“The commitment of this Administration to the provision of regular and uninterrupted power supply remains strong and unwavering.  We all agree that adequate and regular power supply will be the significant trigger to enhance this nation’s productive capacity and accelerate growth.” – President Jonathan

So clearly, some of us skipped the details and instead chose to focus on a University being renamed after a Nigerian icon. Last I checked, UNILAG is a Federal University, meaning it’s owned by the Federal Government so they are well within their rights to call it “The University of Crocodiles Eating Cornflakes” if they choose to. We have much more important issues to focus on. The President laid it all out in his speech today. I would have expected that more would have been made of other more pressing issues of substance rather than this. Let's focus.





Monday, May 21, 2012


Handstand: Immemorial


If looks could fill, my eyes would regurgitate images that had my vision bursting at the seams
Desirable athleticism in shorts on a beach, the stuff of dreams

She looked like a superhero pushing Earth back into its orbit after the asteroid attack
Then stood upright to see every man between 18 and 45 waiting to rub suntan lotion on her back

Onlookers envied the portion of the shore upon which her palms rest
"With gravity defying colors" is how they described her passing the fitness test

Figures like her's part clouds, let the sun shine and push back the storm
Witness how the Yacht, waves, and horizon stare longingly at her impeccable form

Everything that's right within this world that exists for no reason at all encapsulated within a single picture
Inspiration of biblical proportions the type of which is recited by theists in scripture

The attempt is futile to argue against her twitter handle that contains the slang "swag"
Your gaze gets in the cockpit, flies around her numerous curves, then passes out from jet lag

What she exudes I'd hawk with infomercial enthusiasm and the humility of a street panhandler
You tell me looking at her doesn't get you singing a rendition of "Golden Brown" by the Stranglers

In a single word.....amazing.

Sunday, May 20, 2012



Online Fatal Attraction

Originally published on Wednesday, May 13, 2009, on facebook.



So whatchu talkin 'bout..."I need to get to know you"?
My whole life is online, no privacy, it's see-through
Got a thousand friends, more popular than Skywalker
So 4 weeks on your profile page doesn't make me a stalker

I'm scratching my head, honestly I don't get it
We're the picture perfect couple, so what's there to edit?
You've seen my photos so you know what I look like
My profile's got my address, I'm 10 minutes from the Turnpike

You know my opinions, I tagged you in all my notes
You even know my favorite songs from my status update quotes
So I'm sitting here like, whadaya mean we just met?
We've been friends for 2 months, I coulda sworn we were all set

You've seen my family pictures, plus shots of all my relatives
You know where I stand on social drug use and and anti-depressant sedatives
You know my future plans, I wrote on your wall about Grad school
You wrote back, saying something like "good job, that's cool."

Really though, what more can I do or say?
I was the first person at 12 midnight to wish you a happy birthday!
When I log on, all I wish to do is seek thee
When your profile picture changes, so does the wallpaper on my p.c

Listen, I got the ring in my pocket, you know where this is heading
We got 75 mutual friends, they can all come to the wedding
Wait! What? What do you mean "restraining order"?
I think of you time-after-time like my name was Cyndi Lauper

Wait! Stop! Why are you running away?
My love is how-to-save-a-life so don't resist the Fray
We were made for each other since you first clicked that mouse
I even tagged myself in all your pics where you wore a low cut blouse

Stop! Come back here.............!!!











I wrote it all on the back of a napkin

One day while at the office, my colleague walked in wearing an ensemble similar to Olivia Munn pictured above. I was having lunch at my desk, and decided to scribble down on a napkin how nice she looked.

I wrote it all on the back of a napkin .... (the beginning)

Hey you, tall, graceful, living, breathing affirmation of your own aesthetic appeal as fact,
You with the grey skirt and pink shirt with the buttons down the back
Stunning visuals + your scent of a woman throws an observer's thought process off track
Watch them lay down their backpacks, trying to find the words to express which they lack

Physically you're like a deck of cards - stacked!
Images stayed with fans overnight till dawn cracked
Even illuminating the previous night when it was pitch black
In your presence, suitors sing "Killing Me Softly" by Roberta Flack

And what about the rumors that staring at you cures cataracts?
"IT WAS LIKE WINNING THE LOTTERY!!" he screamed, when all he did with you was interact
Reality Tv: "The Uber eligible Bachelorette." - Watch how savagely the competitors attack


..... several napkins (the end)





An Imagination (Mine)

Think of an imagination lost in a sea of simpletons, rationing flares
Occupying a void recently vacated by the second cousin of Steven Spielberg's nose hairs

An imagination wondering what life would be like 5 billion years from now in the Sun's final life cycle, a Red Giant
A destructive force, all consuming with a voracious appetite not seen since the divorce lawyers of Vanessa Bryant

An imagination that celebrates the interracial union of a round hole and a square peg
Then tells its children scary bedtime stories of Obasanjo as a Komodo Dragon that eats bunnies and Quail eggs

An imagination that understands the cheating spouse of a headless horseman justifying her actions with tales of cunninglingus frustration
Then gets divorced and remarries conjoined siamese twins: elation!

This imagination is wild - how wild?
The emperor's new clothes had a ketchup stain so he decapitated his dry cleaner and with his widow had his 17th child

This imagination gets no sleep, it wades in shallow pools in a thought process that's deep
Thinking about starting a weave business with inventory from the wool of sheep

Some say the imagination is insane, but it's magical and gave birth to David Blaine
And if we're not careful we might never see an imagination like this again