A Conversation with Freddy

Are you still in the doghouse, Freddy?

Did you get your wife the manni and peddi?

Along with the great big fluffy white Teddy?

From the Lion King gift store designed like the Serengeti?

I was at the hospital a week ago, I spoke with your boy Lenny

Said if it wasn't for the anti-venom after stepping on the Gaboon Viper, the results would have been deadly

Early hospital discharge? Doctor said he wasn't ready.

Until the antibiotics circulated his bloodstream he couldn't leave until his heart rate became steady

Then he met a black nurse named Betty

Voluptuous young thing, and she was extra friendly

He didn't eat hospital food, she got him home cooked spaghetti

He said after exchanging BBM pins and a FB friendship they'd head to his place for a sexual medley

And then they got married! Confetti!

The Future

Mind communication, telekinesis

I'm chewing on a Reese's Pieces while dropping crumbs on my poetic thesis

Entitled .......

"The philosophical thoughts of Plato"

about the futility of religious scripture to bring peace to the world like Nato

a cryogenic think tank in the Texas city of Laredo 

filled with scientists with more tarnished social reputations than Jose Canseco

What are they building .....?

Space pods powered by multivitamins

Hawk eye Cider Inns

Smoke plumes from digital recycle bins

Android Swordfish with fluorescent lighter fins

Space travel, about which I'm obsessed

The love of my life alien species levitates above your conventional thought process

A thought process that gets worse as it gets older

exemplified by the typical Nigerian thinking about their first Range Rover

Like John McEnroe I'm screaming "YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!"

Teleportation of matter, about this are you not curious?

Everything I speak of is manifested in the new movie "Prometheus"

The beginning of life in a pregnant earth, viewed through a technological sonogram

And you won't believe in the future until Tupac performs at Freedom Hall in a 3-D hologram

One wish - the creation of life in a petri dish

In an underground Nova Scotia laboratory by an evolutionary biologist

And the villagers asked how

I pointed to my temple and said: "In here, the future is now" 

What Patience Jonathan "said" about the Dana Air Crash

Barely 24 hours after the fatal Dana Airline crash that claimed the lives of more than 150 people, I received the following message from a contact on my Blackberry Instant Messenger application:

"Patience don com agn ooooooo: Dix woman is disgracn nyja...:

Patience Jonathan speaks on Dana Crash:

"I blame Road Safety for this Dana Air Crash. Civil Defence will investigate the matter in collaboration with my office so that all the victims will be happy!"

The following conversation ensued between myself and the contact that sent it:

Me: I don't think it's appropriate to joke about this barely 24 hrs after the crash.

BBM contact: Not joking. She actually said it.

Me: Can you send a link with the quote?

BBM Contact: Ok. Gimme a moment.

*A few minutes go by*

BBM Contact: My bad.

*More minutes go by*

BBM Contact: Ok. I think I was wrong about this. I was told that she actually said it and it was not a joke. But I have checked and I can't find proof that she did say it.

Me: There you go. I suspected as much

BBM Contact: I'm sorry

The alarming thing is, this is someone I worked with at a global financial institution last year during my Youth Service. I consider this individual to be intelligent and it's quite worrying that they would accept this completely without bothering to check its validity. This is just one person and I can only imagine how many other people have disseminated this false quote.

Perhaps I'm making a bigger deal of this than I should. Ok fine, but a couple questions:

• Are some people in this country so envious of this woman that exaggerating her supposed grammatical problems and alleged vapidity the only way they can feel better about themselves?

• Is the level of vitriol towards the First Lady (and to a larger extent, her husband) so high that one or more individuals felt it appropriate enough to tell this insensitive "joke" so soon while many are still grieving?

My deepest condolences go out to the families and friends of the victims of this tragedy. I along with the rest of the country hope that they can find closure in this terrible moment of despair.